Mile Marker 50
For 25 years I did not have one dream that was solely my own. Not one. Jobs, vacations, projects around the house—my dreams revolved around my husband and eventually my child. Some people may think there’s nothing wrong with that and cheer my dedication to my family. Others may think ‘How sad.’ I think both are right. Actually, at the time I was OK with it. It was my choice. In my family, nothing is more important than family.
When my husband left our marriage I had to rearrange my vision for the future from my job to the house we lived in. My focus was on figuring out what I needed to do for my daughter and I.
I’m good at ‘survivor mode’. I always have been. I know exactly how to put my head down and get stuff done. I come from a long line of strong women who are calm in a crisis. It’s what came next that gave me trouble.
See, what comes next requires dreaming. It requires knowing what you want. What I wanted had just left for a different life. On top of it all came the realization I was inching toward 50. Not exactly the best time to start something totally new.
But there I was. A few years from this major milestone and staring at a blank slate.
I didn’t even know how to dream on my own anymore.
When I was younger I wanted to see the world. I dreamed of becoming a reporter and telling the stories of people all over the country. I wanted to see amazing things and experience things I could not in the small town I grew up in. Then I decided I wanted a family more. I didn’t want to miss my baby’s first steps or not be able to be at a school play because I was out of town on assignment. So I opted for a job behind the camera and was truly happy with that.
Now all of us were looking at a new chapter. My daughter was almost a teenager. In a few short years she would be leaving for college. I couldn’t think about what my husband was doing. What about me?
That dream. That dream to see the world. It wasn’t too late. I’m going to see the world just like I wanted too and I’m going to do it before I get to old to enjoy it.
I’m going to 50 places I’ve never been the year I turn 50.
I’m not sure where I’m going yet and I don’t know how I’m going to pay for it, but I’m going to do it. I’m going to write about people and places and experiences. I’m going to find the humanity in our world. I’m going to push myself out of my comfort zone. I’m going to eat incredible food and marvel at the beauty of what God has created.
I have a lot of planning to do. So I better get started.
